knowing is half the battle

Hello my friends, it’s an ice filled night here in Kentucky and I would like to address an issue tonight.  Over the past few 10965234_10152636474022405_235609508_nmonths, I’ve learned a lot about about my relationship with God.  The closer I draw to him, my life becomes more blessed. My life is no where near perfection and I don’t want it to be.  I feel like I am exactly where God planted me and I will bloom.  The past few months have been eye opening, painful, discouraging, scary, exciting, happy, and emotional all in one big ole bag of awesome. Corey and I have been attending our church on a regular basis. Though my health continues to deteriorate, I feel stronger than ever.  Things that once mattered now seem so pointless.  My new dance company has started to take form and I’m loving every minute of it.  My returning kiddos are doing amazing and we’ve added a few new ones into the mix as well. This year is all about a transition of life and I can’t lie to you, it’s HARD.  Going from being the breadwinner of the family to housewife is nothing short of drastic.  I’m thankful that doctor appointments and school keep me occupied.  Life is much different these days, but I have chosen to be bloom where God has planted me.

I10403331_10203317233524250_5321631348010162825_n come to you tonight, to have a voice for those that won’t speak up.  In my personal health struggle, I seemingly appear “normal” on the outside as do others with autoimmune disease. What others SEE is a normal, happy go lucky gal who occasionally mentions she’s having a bad day or sometimes I have to cancel plans because I’m having a flare or worse…a trip to the emergency room.  Unfortunately, they only see about 10% of my day…IF it’s a good one.  The rest of the time is spent trying to stretch out your joints because you are stiff as a board, keeping track of medications, trying to hold food down, struggling with normal every day tasks, dealing with constant fatigue, chronic pain, and the emotional toll that it takes over you.  The depression and anxiety of living with something that is a silent killer and has no cure can be completely overwhelming.  New symptoms and ailments see to come out of no where and it can take multiple doctors and/or tests to tell you why.  

10966652_10152648103847405_239061003_nPeople start to question if you really are sick because they SEE a normal person.  These people start to slowly fade away until they just don’t call anymore because they can’t handle your emotional health roller coaster.  When this starts to happen, you honestly start to question yourself.  Am I going crazy?  Am I even sick?  When people tell you that you don’t “look” sick it can be the hardest thing to hear.  Know this my friends, sickness does not know one specific definition.  Little comments like that can be heartbreaking to someone suffering with an invisible illness.  As someone fighting autoimmune disease, we aren’t looking for sympathy.

We just want you to fight WITH us not against US.

Be Kind,

April

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Embrace It…You’re The Co-Pilot

Whoa, it’s a cold morning here in Kentucky.  Thankful I’m off today and can stay in and cuddled up on my couch.  We are now seven days into 2015 and I find myself really embracing the blogging community.  I’m very thankful for the life I have and that I not only share it with my wonderful husband, but also with God.  I encourage you to read this blog post today from Thoughts About God.  It really hits the nail on the head with someone who thought they were in control of their own life.  Embrace the fact that you don’t have all the answers and trust God.

Have a Blessed Morning,

April

http://thoughts-about-god.com/blog/2015/01/07/kh_the-road-less-traveled/

Who Are You?

Happy Sunday, Y’all!  Today in church we talked about being truthful to ourselves and our personal relationships with God.  Our pastor keeps it real and I love it.  Today we talked about how going to church doesn’t necessarily mean you have a one way ticket to Heaven and how to truly understand your path with God.  Church is a wonderful thing and it’s meant to bring a sense of community and family to one another.  Church is awesome and I look forward to Sundays, but I don’t look forward to Sundays because it’s the only time I praise him.  I look forward to Sundays to learn new things, rejoice with others, and I can share my story with the lord .  The most important part of anyone’s journey with God occurs outside the walls of where you worship.  It occurs when no one else is around.  Your relationship with God is just that.  YOURS.  Do you know what the best part of that is?  No one can take that from you.  Ever!

Over the years, I have found God, lost my way on the path, and that was a vicious cycle.  I thought we had found our home with a wonderful church congregation in New Albany, Indiana a few years ago, but life happens and we decided it was time to move to Paducah, KY to be closer to family.  When we moved, we were so sad about moving away from our church and so biased that we didn’t even attend another one.  We reverted back to our old selves and old ways of thinking we knew what was right for us, instead of listening to God. It took almost three years and countless sob stories before we knew that it was time to change our focus and really listen to God.  After almost a year of excuses on reasons why we couldn’t attend church with one of our dear friends, we went with her last week for the first time.  It was amazing.  I feel so ashamed that it took this long for us to find our way, but I know that God loves us and he died for our sins.  He died so we could breathe and live through him.

Our phone rings a lot less these days and not nearly as many visitors as we used to have, but I’m not upset.  I know I speak for both my husband and I when I say that we were ready to ready for our awakening with God and it is already amazing.  We take time each and every day to communicate our problems, pray, and meditate on the Lord’s word.  We may not be the life of the party any more in others’ eyes, but we could not be happier.  We are stronger in each and every way knowing that we are on the right path.  I hope this inspires someone to stop making excuses and really listen to what God is saying to you.  I know I know wake up each day and can’t wait to see what God has in store for us, rather than carefully walking on eggshells to avoid the personal explosions of everyday life.

Have a blessed Sunday,

April
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The day I never thought would come

Happy 2015 Everyone!  As a former bartender, I really enjoy watching the ball drop on tv these days rather than getting dolled up to go out on NYE.  Something about New Year’s Eve that brings out the people who NEVER go out in public and probably shouldn’t.  So many things to be thankful for right here in my living room.  I no longer feel the need to go out and validate myself by putting on a cocktail dress, attending some party that my husband nor myself really want to be at, and then coming home and plastering it all over social media.  What’s the point?  I’ve never understood how that is so important to some.  Personally, I’ve never been so happy to ring in a new year and I can admit that I actually shed a tear when the clock turned to the stroke of midnight.  I kissed my husband, we toasted our mimosas in our pajamas, and I had a sigh of relief. I felt at peace knowing that 2014 was finally over.  616a843fa0  A brand new chapter.  People make all sorts of resolutions for a new year. Do you want a new job?  Do you want to lose weight?  Maybe you want to move half way across the world?  I have one solution.  Just do it!  Whether it’s a right or wrong decision, at least you decided to do something with your life.  This is your chance to begin again.  Now, I need to clarify this affirmation.  You can “begin again” any minute of any day of the year.  The moment you chose to start living your life, is the moment that you begin again.  My personal journey actually began weeks before 2014 ended.  Ringing in the new year was just a sign of relief that my horrible year was finally over.  So what are my plans as I begin again? 10406439_902753569736860_2793804192892992939_nI think Tony Gaskins really nailed it on the head with these goals. My husband and I really sat down before the year ended and really talked about what we wanted for our new year.  We decided that 2015 for us is all about growth and new opportunities.   We know that coming out of 2014 that life can change in an instant and how we are not prepared for those situations.  So we sat down and made a plan.  A plan that includes us reconnecting with God, furthering our educations, strict financial guidelines, and really making a life for ourselves.  By really communicating with each other, there is no guessing game.  We really know what the other one wants and needs. This is 2015, my friends.  Bad situations are going to happen,  the unexpected will present it self, the devil will try to persuade you in the wrong direction, but if you put your faith in the Lord there is no possible way you can go wrong.   If you are stuck on things from your past, there is no possible way your future is going in the right direction.  We need to strive each and everyday to make our lives better than the day before.  Rid yourself of the hatred and negativity.  ALWAYS BE POSITIVE.  Stay humble, stay grateful, and stay grounded.  I’ve made way for the new in 2015 and look forward to each and every moment of it. Any given moment can be your moment to make way for the new, you just have to seize it.

God Bless,

April