knowing is half the battle

Hello my friends, it’s an ice filled night here in Kentucky and I would like to address an issue tonight.  Over the past few 10965234_10152636474022405_235609508_nmonths, I’ve learned a lot about about my relationship with God.  The closer I draw to him, my life becomes more blessed. My life is no where near perfection and I don’t want it to be.  I feel like I am exactly where God planted me and I will bloom.  The past few months have been eye opening, painful, discouraging, scary, exciting, happy, and emotional all in one big ole bag of awesome. Corey and I have been attending our church on a regular basis. Though my health continues to deteriorate, I feel stronger than ever.  Things that once mattered now seem so pointless.  My new dance company has started to take form and I’m loving every minute of it.  My returning kiddos are doing amazing and we’ve added a few new ones into the mix as well. This year is all about a transition of life and I can’t lie to you, it’s HARD.  Going from being the breadwinner of the family to housewife is nothing short of drastic.  I’m thankful that doctor appointments and school keep me occupied.  Life is much different these days, but I have chosen to be bloom where God has planted me.

I10403331_10203317233524250_5321631348010162825_n come to you tonight, to have a voice for those that won’t speak up.  In my personal health struggle, I seemingly appear “normal” on the outside as do others with autoimmune disease. What others SEE is a normal, happy go lucky gal who occasionally mentions she’s having a bad day or sometimes I have to cancel plans because I’m having a flare or worse…a trip to the emergency room.  Unfortunately, they only see about 10% of my day…IF it’s a good one.  The rest of the time is spent trying to stretch out your joints because you are stiff as a board, keeping track of medications, trying to hold food down, struggling with normal every day tasks, dealing with constant fatigue, chronic pain, and the emotional toll that it takes over you.  The depression and anxiety of living with something that is a silent killer and has no cure can be completely overwhelming.  New symptoms and ailments see to come out of no where and it can take multiple doctors and/or tests to tell you why.  

10966652_10152648103847405_239061003_nPeople start to question if you really are sick because they SEE a normal person.  These people start to slowly fade away until they just don’t call anymore because they can’t handle your emotional health roller coaster.  When this starts to happen, you honestly start to question yourself.  Am I going crazy?  Am I even sick?  When people tell you that you don’t “look” sick it can be the hardest thing to hear.  Know this my friends, sickness does not know one specific definition.  Little comments like that can be heartbreaking to someone suffering with an invisible illness.  As someone fighting autoimmune disease, we aren’t looking for sympathy.

We just want you to fight WITH us not against US.

Be Kind,

April

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Hello 2015, Let Me Reintroduce Myself

A wise man once told me that we live two lives; the life we had before and the life we started living once we realized we only live once.  I believe this to be true.  In my previous life, I was stressed out, self absorbed, overworked, underpaid, addicted to caffeine and nicotine, and my entire world revolved around dance. My life didn’t revolve around anything that actually mattered.  Now that I’ve had an awakening, my life is so much better.  I no longer ignore my body when it tells me I need a break,I listen to my husband,  I pay attention to things that matter, and surprise!  My entire world doesn’t revolve around dance.  Whew, feels good to say that out loud!  Yes, my name is April and I am a former danceaholic.  I still love dance and I always will, but it doesn’t consume my entire existence anymore.  I make time for things that actually matter.  I listen and communicate more effectively.  I do things that I love to do, but I wasn’t making time for.  I take the time to cook our meals instead of getting fast food.  I spend quality time with my husband and our fur babies.  I take the time to take care of my health.  I meditate.  I pray.  I work on my relationship with God.  I appreciate what I have and life is amazing!  IMG_0402 boys1 DSC_0665 IMG_0552 IMG_0378 IMG_0839 DSC_1032 gussy11

Change of Focus

5386d0ffb4dbb71556ef2195d9e45f43What a dreary afternoon this Saturday is.  It’s raining, it’s gloomy, and my only plan for the rest of the day is to spend it at home.  When I find yourself at home with no plans, my brain starts to wonder.  I have had a bad habit in the past that I’m trying to shake this year.  It’s called being stressed.  Heard of it?  I’m sure you have been there.  My horrible habit is that I tend to stay that way.  I stress about every little detail of every possible situation. Now, what I’m about to tell you has changed my entire thought process and when you say it, you must say it out loud.  Are you ready?  Ok, now repeat after me, “I can not stress about things that I can not control.”  Since I’m on a different path these days, I have to repeat this affirmation to myself about a hundred times a day.  I have learned to change my focus. Even though it’s a daily struggle, I stopped focusing on how stressed I am and I remember how blessed I am. I’m blessed that I have a loving husband because I am not in this battle alone. I am blessed that I am full because it means I have food in my fridge.  I am blessed that I have dirty laundry, because it means I have clothes on my back. I am blessed that I have aches and pains because it means I am alive.  I am blessed that I have bills to pay because it means I have a roof over my head.  Change your focus.  Change your perception. Remember that nothing is permanent and everything can change in the blink of an eye. Be blessed and not stressed.

Have a great afternoon,

April